Are you sure your want a Bernese Mountain Dog?
Go for a walk with your arms stretched out in front of you as far as possible.
After a few steps try to extend then even further.
In a friendly voice you say "heel" then follow calling out "heel" repeatedly with increasing demand.
Then you shout "stop pulling" and ignore all the accusing looks of pedestrians.
On that same walk try to stay in one spot for at least 2 minutes while repeatedly give the command "come" .
After two minutes you will get discouraged and sit down on the sidewalk for at least another 5 minutes before finishing your walk.
Try and walk across the room with a giant Teddy Bear in between your legs.
Get that luxury car out of your head, only think van or station wagon.
Buy some dog cookies, crush them and spread them out on your car seats, and trunk. Throw some cookies in your car. Then go to the hairdresser and ask them for floor sweepings of the past week. Spread this in copious amounts all over your car seats, against the roof of your car and in the trunk. Then get some mud and make some footprints on the seats..
With a leaf rake scratch up the outside of your car a little. That's it... perfect!.
Try to get ready to leave.
Try to sneak out as quietly as you can. Walk out the door and close it, start walking away but then go back inside. Try to leave again 5 minutes later, but go back again.
Turn on the radio and find some calming tunes.
Try again....Go back again and call your friends to come to your house instead.
When That company comes to your house invite them to sit on your couch and immediately throw a sack of potatoes in their laps and wipe a wet sponge on face multiple times.
Try to sit on the edge of your couch all the time.
Try out different ways to balance your coffee cup on the armrest of said couch without spilling and while at it try to sneakily eat a cookie. Be very quiet chewing it too. Just give up and spread out the leftover crumbs on the couch.
Buy 2 dog leashes. Attach forks too it and hang them up on the doorknob on. Now try to grab them without making any noise. If you fail scratch yourself with those forks on your chest, legs and arms. Repeat this procedure multiple times.
Repeat every command you say a minimum of 15 times.
Practice getting food from the fridge as quietly as possible. Decide beforehand what you need and practice to do this as fast as possible.
Is this longer than 10 seconds prepare to lose half of fridge content.
Can you stand the mess the Berner can make in your house?...
Wash your windows, make sure they are clean. Great.. put some butter on your hands and grease the windows up again. Do this 3x a day.
Then vacuum, grab some sand and some of that leftover hairdresser sweepings and spread it out on the floor right after your done.
Throw some mud on your freshly mopped kitchen tiles. Wipe some leftover mud in an artistic sweeping fashion all over your kitchen cupboards, fridge, oven, walls and doors.
Make sure you also put some muddy footprints and those hairdresser sweepings in your bathroom and bedrooms.
It's summer and you finally have your yard and garden the way you want it. Ask a couple of neighbourhood children to come by and play the afternoon in your backyard. That night you clean your yard fill up the holes and make everything nice again to have the children back in your yard the next day.
To experience what your nights are going to look like when owning a Bernese Mountain Dog...
Go to bed at 10Pm, set your alarm in the middle of the night and throw yourself on the ground. Throw that sack of potatoes on the bed covers now try to go back in bed without disturbing the potatoes. Make sure you set your alarm again for 5.30 am. Slap yourself in the face with that wet sponge.
After reading all this, you are still sure you want a Bernese Mountain Dog?
Awesome. You will be the happiest Berner Owner ever.
Once a Berner always a Berner <3 🐾❤